So every week Jack gets to bring home a book bag from school. He gets very excited; He thinks he is being such a big boy...just like James. Last Thursday, his bag was about monkeys. He had a monkey book, and a few of those toy monkeys..the ones that you can link together. So we are eating dinner Monday night, when I say to Jack "We need to get all of your school things ready for tomorrow morning. Please be sure to find all of the monkeys and put them in your book bag."
In typical Jack fashion he, in a low grumbly monster kind of voice, said "I am going to flush the monkeys down the toilet!" To which I replied "Oh no you are not! If you flush the monkeys down the toilet, the toilet will explode and you will get covered in poop!" Expecting him to say something along the lines of "You are so silly Momma!", I looked up to see my son the color of Casper The Friendly Ghost with his already big blue eyes the size of dinner plates. As I choked on my dinner, I desperately tried to figure out a way to comfort my now traumatized son, minimize his future bathroom neurosis and still uphold my perfect-mother-who-never-would-lie-to-her-child image. The best I could come up with was "Well, if you tell Daddy really quickly, then he can get a special tool that will get the monkeys out." Of course Daryl is laughing so hard, he has to walk out of the room and, I may be a little paranoid, but I think I saw a hint of enjoyment that I was in such a dilemma.
Now, I have to admit saying the exploding toilet thing to Jack with two assumptions in mind. One being that he hadn't already flushed the monkeys and the other being that I needed to be as graphic as possible to get him to listen. Seems I was wrong on both. I have since had to explain the following:
- How Daddy got the monkeys out
- What tool he used
- What the tool looked like
- How the tool worked
- What the monkeys looked like after they came out
- Why poop goes down, but not monkeys
- Why the toilet doesn't explode when poop goes down, but does with monkeys
- If it will explode if you flush Kleenex/pee/cotton balls/Q-Tips
- If Mom or Dad ever flushed anything down
- What we did when we were covered in poop
I am sure my parents are thoroughly enjoying this. They did tell me, at some point in my life, that they hoped I had a child just like me some day.
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