So we are missing some dog poo. I know, I know...most people would be HAPPY to be missing it. Or perhaps missing it would not be the best way to describe it. Let me explain. We have this..AHEM...wonderful dog named Duke. Cutest Pug you will ever set your eyes on. He, however, only sets his eyes on MY DECK when he has to POO. Won't poop in the grass to save his life. SO...I spend my days, in so many ways, cleaning up sh**... that is my job. WOW, I think I just wrote the beginning of a really awesome song...but I digress. So our little Dukey....funny, ain't it, how his name is the exact metaphor for POOP...but again, I digress...he does his thing, near the top of the steps on our deck. Y'all know I have 3 kids, right...and y'all know the inevitable mess that is coming your..I mean MY way...right? Well, before My Three Sons can trample through the dodo (HA!), I walk into the house, grab a paper towel and march myself right back out to the deck where I find.........nothing.
WHERE did the Dukey doody (HA!) go? I check the bottoms of six feet....nothin. I check the dog. Nothin. I look at MY feet. Nothin. I twirl around in a circle, looking desperately for the missing poo as if it is hiding from me. N*O*T*H*I*N*G. Now I KNOW it could not have gotten up and walked away. Nor could it have fallen through the cracks in the deck. I seriously think I am losing my mind.
So I come in the house and sit my THOROUGHLY inspected children down in front of the t.v. to watch the movie Beethoven. You know the one...with the big dog. I figure Beethoven on Disney channel will suffice as entertainment while I investigate The Case of the Missing Doody (HA!) a little further. Just for a moment...humor me here...just for a moment, close your eyes and imagine the following scene:
ME: On the deck, bent over, examining every nook and cranny for dog poo.
JACK: Mom...
ME: Yes Jack?
JACK: Why do you have fish in your tummy?
ME: ummmm....well, I did have a fish sandwich for lunch. Is that what you mean honey?
JACK: No...why do moms have fish eggs and frog babies swimming in their tummys?
ME: uuuummmmm...honey bear, can you tell me WHAT you are talking about?
JACK: SIGH! Never mind!!
1 minute later:
ME: Continuing on the quest that is taking over my life.
JAMES: Mom?
ME: Yeah sweetie?
JAMES: How long do goldfish take to turn into babies?
ME: uuummm...I am not sure how long goldfish eggs take to turn into goldfish babies. Why honey?
JAMES: NO MOM! How long does it take for goldfish to TURN INTO BABIES?
ME: uuuummmmm...sweetie pie, can you tell me WHAT you are talking about?
JAMES: Well, on Beethoven, the dad said that there are tiny goldfish eggs that are in mommy's tummys and that there are tadpoles that swim up to them and they hug and make a baby grow in your tummy.
ME: You don't say.......
Needless to say, my search was over. What happened to the dog poo? I will never know. But I do know that Beethoven just took a huge dump right in the middle of my day
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