The Legacy Left Behind

Have I mentioned that I REALLY love my blog? With 3 kids and an absolutely INSANE schedule, there is little time to document the daily happenings that make up the soul of our family. I am so grateful to have a place like this to quickly, or in some instances, not so quickly, chronicle those events. The little achievements and huge accomplishments...I am hoping that my boys will be able to look back on this blog and see the great things that happened in our family!

So what is it about (almost!) hitting a MAJOR birthday milestone that suddenly causes you to reflect on the legacy that you may be leaving behind?! Some of what I have been thinking lately is pretty morose. Wills, life insurance, all of the things that responsible parents do to insure that their children are taken care of in case of the inevitable. Yes, all of those things will allow them to be taken care of financially, but what things are we leaving behind that tells them about who their parents are? It occurred to me that they have only known one small, albeit IMPORTANT, part of who I am. Mom. They never met the frightened schoolgirl or the rebellious teenager. They haven't experienced my "Terrible Twenty's". They know me as Mommy...the responsible, loving, nurturing, strict (HA!) mother who thinks they are the greatest thing on the planet, and who tells them every night how grateful she is that they are hers.

They have no idea that it took, what seemed like a lifetime, to figure out who I am and what I wanted. That the journey from the scared school girl to the mom I am was not an easy one. For most of my life I questioned who I was supposed to BE. Not only to my parents, friends and to Daryl, but to MYSELF. I wish I could verbalize the internal struggle that occurred; the amount of effort it took to learn that I am a good person. The frustration at the amount of time I spent so selfishly looking inward for things that I should have had as a child. I realize now that THAT was a HUGE waste of time. A waste of time in the sense that I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN these things and spent that time ACHIEVING my goals instead of SEARCHING for what they were.

I know now, with every fiber of my being, that I was meant to be a mom; that the children that I have are the greatest gift I have ever been given and that there is NOTHING on this planet more important to me than their health, happiness and future. That the journey that got me to where I am today, to the PERSON and PARENT I am today is, then, appreciated because it allowed for them to be.

As corny as it sounds, I don't have a crystal ball. I don't have any idea what tomorrow will bring, but I do know that I want one thing to be known: James, Jack and Joseph...be happy...be kind...be loving...but most of all...be you. And know that you are loved.